Spring Greetings

Yesterday was the Equinox, so Happy Equinox! Let us welcome the light! I apologize for being remiss in posting, again. Like almost everyone, I have been quite distressed about happenings around the country since January. Also, the very day after I posted my prior post, the UAF Board of Regents voted to cave to Trump's Executive Order to scrub all language referring to Diversity, Equity, or Inclusion from the website or print materials.

I have been calling, writing emails, and attending in-person events, but I'm not sure what else I can do. In the meantime, I have determined that in order not to spend my entire days as a ball of seething rage, I've got to carry on doing the business of living my life, and that includes teaching, research, and hanging out with my Fuzzy Family.

I've recently come to admit that I have not been running strong the past few years, and now I realize that that is to be expected as I've been hit by repeated traumatic events nearly annually since 2021, and 2020 if you count the Pandemic, which was pretty much an international traumatic event. I gauge my running fitness by how long it takes to do our morning 3-miler. At my fastest, it was 30 mins (I'm slow!). At my slowest, it was 1:15 (walking slowly). Now I am at about 50 mins. My Challenges started in 2021 when I broke my left fibula. I started running awkwardly again in about 6 months, but then in 2022 I got my leg punctured very deeply by a mean dog, so another 6 months of walking instead of running. In 2023 another calamity: I fell in love with Raven! 🤣🤣 I had never had a yearling dog and was back to walking instead of running until she learned some Manners. Then Queen Thistle's health started to fail, and we all quit running and switched to walking (and skijoring) exclusively until she left us. Then my heart was broken and I couldn't run for another six months. Now finally I'm trying to recover running-strength again. I'm a bit out of shape, still walking half the time, and huffing and puffing a lot. Also, Middle Age! At 47, I do not expect to build up fitness as quickly as I did 10 or 20 years ago. On the other hand, I'm not exactly in bad shape. I mean I still cover 40 miles a week, even if slowly!

I appreciate the patience of my two Goodest Best Friends, Princess Cricket and Ravey Gravy, being willing to do snail-pace walking with me for so long. I hope to be running again this summer.

And we've still been enjoying CARTZZZ!

YESH CARTZZZ!

And KALESTEMZZZ!

YESH KALESTEMZZZ!

And we clean our fangs!

And we are still snugglin'

Even young'un Ravey Gravy is so snuggly.

The ski season seems to be ending early this year, alas. There has not been fresh snow in weeks, and the old snow is hard and slick. The overflow on Rosie Creek is also creeping ever higher:

I'm lucky the girls are pretty chill.

They comfy.

We don't have enough happy stories, so let us talk about some rescue success stories. It seems that the problems of the world are so big, and the good things are so small. But to these people, this small good thing is a piece of their hearts, and to these dogs, this small good thing is their whole world.

Here is Timber, the big sweet galoot! He was on death row at the shelter when he got sprung into the rescue system. Turned into a foster fail. Back for a visit while his parents are travelling. He remembers me and gave me some alarmingly violent hugs. So I squoze him back. :D

And here is Miss Ivalu, formerly known as Jill. Severely abused and dumped in a gravel pit with half a dozen or so others. Then rescued and became a foster fail. 🥰 She's back for temporary boarding while her family is travelling, and she is full of life and joy and silliness!

And finally here is my own Raven. A foster fail before her foster even started. 🥰

I hope all 14 of my loyal readers are having a lovely spring. Apologies for the poor photo resolution today. Uploading photos has become a bit of a process, and I took the easy way today.

Don't forget to dance...

... or ski, or listen to music, or make cookies. Don't forget what brings you joy.

"The dance kept us in the fight because it was the dance we were fighting for."

Brrrrrrr!!

First 0F degrees this year! Princess Cricket is not very fluffy even deep into winter, and she hasn't even got half her winter fluff in yet. They are being very cuddly.

Cricket made us do our morning run at a balls-to-the-wall sprint. My morning run was thus not as contemplative as usual, but I did arrive at this:

While we may think that we are living in a time of great darkness, when you look at world history, far worse times have come before, and--I'm sorry to realize--far worse times will likely come again. However, although most of us are Little People, that doesn't mean we are powerless.

When we think of past times of atrocity, we rarely ask, "How did Mussolini come to be? How did Pinochet come to be? How did Hitler come to be?" No, we more often ask, "How did the ordinary people let it happen?" Guess who is ordinary people? We are ordinary people. Ordinary people in Germany cheered as Jewish people were rounded up and taken away. They happily moved into Jewish homes and happily helped themselves to Jewish-owned art and assets.

Very few of us are world leaders, but every one of us is a leader of ourselves. Be courageous. Speak out when you see daily mistreatments of people who are considered "less". If you remain in comfortable silence, blending in when you can, you will regret it when you are in your last days.

I hope you find this message a reason not to despair. You are not powerless. Every day, you have the eligibility to be noble and the opportunity to be courageous. Happy Monday from Cricket and her seester Raven. Hope your week is off to a good start.

"I wanna be clooooose to you..."

That last cold day of winter?

Temps have climbed up to nearly thawing this week. They are due to drop again next week, but in March it's just not gonna get that cold any more, or if it does, it will warm up during the daytimes. The sun is powerful enough to have a real impact now. As always, I feel a bit melancholy. March is my favorite month, but I feel sad that it's so short. Here is a photo from our last cold morning, and my last dose of frosty eyelashes! Two weeks ago now:

As usual, Cricket is waiting for me on the porch while Thistle is wandering around sniffing things. And there is our tiny cabin. Most Fairbanks grad students give up their tiny dry cabin when they graduate and get a "real job", but this cabin is hard for me to let go of because it has felt like home from the minute I stepped in. And I will never forget that lovely young couple, smiling with their orange marmalade cat, their dog who looked and acted just like my Autumn, and their adorable toddler who reach up her arms immediately for me to hold her. I was leaving a long-term relationship, and this little cabin just felt like home.

Almost every woman I know of approximately my vintage (came of age in the 80's-90's) has a memory from our past that makes us cringe: when we made ourselves smaller and erased our own needs and desires so as not to inconvenience an unworthy man. Then one day we woke up--seemingly abruptly to those poor bastards--and walked away, leaving their mouths hanging open. For me, it was when I bought this cabin, packed up my stuff, loaded up the dogs, and left.*

That is why this cabin has always felt like home to me. It was my refuge (and of course the awesome trail access didn't hurt!) I knew DL was a keeper when he realized how much this place meant to me, and moved out of his conventional home with a flushy toilet and everything, to move here with me.

If God would offer me the opportunity to give any lasting lesson in the world to my young students, it would have nothing to do with engineering. It would be this: You are Good. You Are Worthy. You Are Enough. Do Not place any part of yourself behind the needs of a person who would not do the same for you.

*And you know what they tell their friends and family? "She up and left me out of the blue! For no reason! We had a perfect relationship!" Meaning, of course, that it was perfect for them as long as we never asked for anything, and bent over backwards to please them, and we were never an inconvenience.

To every thing... turn, turn, turn...

We are now closer to the Equinox that we are to the Solstice, and gaining daylight by about 7 minutes a day. Not only that, but the sun is rising higher and turning yellow instead of staying orange and pink. We have bluebird blue skies!

And we have to wear sunglasses!

This is the last bit of the spur that goes from the public trail system to our cabin. It's quite a climb! I take off my skis for this part. I could also unhook the girls and let them run home, but they hold a tight line, and it's hard to get them close!

More daylight also means more time to take our girls for longer adventures, and still have daylight left to walk Koda, my latest favorite at the rescue. OMG isn't he adorable?

You know that thing where you tell a dog to "sit!" for a photo, but they don't look at you? So then you say their name, and they walk toward you? Koda does that, and then he insists on a cuddle! He also thinks that every time I squat to pee, I'm in fact squatting for a cuddle. So I cuddle him. With my pants around my ankles. I can't say no to this sweet dude.

His history is he was bred by a Malamute breeder, then sold to his first owner, and at a year old he was brought to the Borough shelter. That was in December. He spent a month there, and in January, Sirius took him, and he's been there since. I honestly have no idea how anyone could give him up, nor why he wasn't snapped up at the shelter. He is exceedingly sweet. Malamutes are supposed to be "difficult" dogs, but I've never met a mean one. I suspect that the "difficulties" about them are that they are stubborn, and... well basically the suite of sled dog stuff except squared: Do not come when they are called, pretend deaf, only take commands when they feel like it, etc, etc. But they are very sweet and loving. In fact, we used to have one in our therapy dog organization. His name was Steele.

I don't know if Koda suffered any sort of neglect in his first home. He is extremely good-natured and shows no signs of trauma, but it seems like... he is new to this planet? He stops and stares at a lot of things that we consider commonplace: Cars, snowmachines, planes flying overhead, ravens, squirrels, and in this case a woodpeckker. He's very gentle about it though--doesn't yank me off the trail to chase them.

And did I mention he lets me squeeze him?

Look how big his intertoesal ice balls get! Poor guy!

But he lets me pull them out. Sits still and doesn't object at all. In fact, sometimes he rolls onto his back so I can access all four of his giant paws at once, and when I'm done, he remains there for a bellyrub! Lookie this giant paw! OMG!

And uh... Did I mention he lets me squeeze him? Oops! I squoze his tongue out!

The girls and I take a final walk before we all go to bed, to ensure that all pees and poops are out! This tradition started with Autumn, and continued to Linden, to Starbuckaroo, and now to these girls. But last night Thistle sat up very Abruptly and demanded to be let out early. Went outside with her and look! A stunning aurora!

"My dear human," she says. "I always get you up for a reason."

Sunrise this morning was lovely, too, during our morning run. Official sunrise was 8:47, but it was light at 8. I think this photo was just about 8:47! You can see Cricket on the porch. I always unhook them at the top of the driveway, and they dash for the porch while I slog down the driveway at my Slow Human Biped Pace. Most of them wait for me on the porch, but Thistle does a slow lap around the cabin and sniffs more things, then meets me on the porch.

Do you think they are comfy? I sure hope they are comfy.

Wowee!

Oh my goodness!

The summer intern that I'm supervising is an electrical engineering student who hasn't yet taken the last semester of physics, so I--with Cricket's supervision--got to be the person to tell him that the speed of light is invariant with respect to frame of reference! At one point he asked, "Wait light is a wave that can go through a vacuum... so what is waving?" and we got to discuss the Michelson–Morley experiment as well. (If he had been born 120 years ago, he might've been one of the great physicists of the era, but alas, Bohr and Einstein and them already beat him to it.) We also got to talk about gravitational lensing and Snell's Law and a bunch of other stuff.

It reminded me of a newspaper column I read pre-pandemic in which the author described taking his 13-year-old niece to see Romeo and Juliet performed in a theater. The girl was in suspense the whole time, and cried at the end! I sometimes wish I could experience Romeo and Juliet for the first time, just like I think it would be really awesome to learn about special relativity for the first time.

Is this why other middle-aged people take up extreme sports? Because there are fewer and fewer things we can experience for the first time? I'm very risk-averse and not interested in extreme sports, but arts and literature are always being created, so I will always have that.

Time Marches on, Time Marches on

First, there came a parking lot, then This Very Fancy™, Professionally Installed™ sign board:

And now, lining and graveling a trail section that used to be grass and mud. I appreciate the giant boulders blocking motorized access.

I feel very conflicted about this. I'm not gonna lie, I personally lean toward the more curmudgeonly side and would prefer that the neighborhood trails remain our own little neighborhood secret. But they are public lands, and we have no right to request such. The upside of development and publicizing of our local trails is that we'll get more support and more protection. I just hope I don't one day find a souvenir kiosk there selling keychains and bottle openers. ;) On the other hand, I've been a beneficiary of this Fancy Developed Trail™ because nowadays it's the only place I can walk with my bum leg.

They sure enjoy our morning trail walks!

Broken leg items

I didn't know the things I'd need until people brought them to me or told me to buy them. So I'm keeping this list handy for when I know someone who breaks their leg. Then I will pay it forward.

• Scooter, because crutches suck
• Stool to use to shower, because standing on one leg in the shower is neither viable nor safe
• Shoe lifter thingy to put onto the shoe of your good leg. The compression boot is thick-soled, and if you walk around with one leg longer than the other, you'll damage your hips.
• Tylenol. There is some evidence that NSAIDs can impede bone healing.
• Glucosamine, calcium, and vitamin D supplements
• Some kind of pantacular solution, since normal pants won't fit over a cast. Giant sweatpants for winter, zip-off hiking pants for summer.
• Some kind of walking stick for when you ditch the crutches.

On a cheerier note, here is my first bloom from the columbine seeds I gathered from UAF campus and planted in 2019! It's yellow! I wonder what colors the rest will be.

My friend made me a kuspuk that matches the colors of an Interior Alaskan summer:

Miss Thistle is very Suspicious!

Miss Cricket can look dignified sometimes!

Look at the gorgeous tomatoes in my pico! They are from a greenhouse farm in Delta Junction:

A multicultural snack: Deviled egg potato salad and oi muchim. I had this brilliant idea that for hot days, I could make potato salad or macaroni salad or pasta salad in the cool morning, and have it in the fridge waiting at dinnertime, rather than turn on the stove for a long time in the hot evenings. It's working pretty well.

Closeup of the oi muchim. Very nice for hot weather!

These beauties :)

This popped up in my Facebook memories yesterday:

I still mist up about weekly over Roo, and it's been well over a year. Last time was when I saw some pineapple weed in the yard, and remembered that she loved to eat it. Sometimes I think we never fully heal, but that's okay. Tis better to have loved and lost, and all that. The other thing that comforts me is I think, what would have been the way to avoid all of this pain? And the only answer is if we had never known or loved them. And that obviously is not a better choice. So I try to remember that and be grateful for the time we had.

Three Random Kindnesses

Today, I will tell you Three Random Kindnesses.

1) When I was a freshman in high school, a girl I barely knew tapped me on the shoulder in class to hand me a chocolate malt ball, in silence. I smiled and mouthed, "thank you", and she smiled and mouthed, "you're welcome".

2) In spring of 2007, I was new to Alaska and slogging along what I had known as a ski trail. I did not know about "winter-only" trails that turned to muddy bogs in summertime. A truck was stuck in the mud out there. As I approached where the trail ends and the compacted road begins, I saw another truck idling and waiting for me. It was a young couple, and they called out asking if I needed help getting what they took to be my truck unstuck. And that is why I still live in this neighborhood. Who could leave after that warm fuzzy?

3) Just before the pandemic, I was in Alexandria helping to review a set of proposals to the National Science Foundation. As I walked into the building, I was doing the Federal Building rigmarole and being photographed for a security badge. Just that morning in my hotel bathroom, I had happened to glimpse my profile in the crazy prism of mirrors that they often have in hotel bathrooms, and not been pleased. I have never liked my profile, since when I was a kid I had buck teeth and my sister said I looked like a monkey. But now this security guard woman looked at me as she held up the camera and said, "You have a good profile!" I was astonished and touched! I do not in general suffer from low self-esteem or struggle with my appearance, but gosh just that morning! And just that day! And who gives that as a generic compliment? Wow! The timing was really impeccable.

Here is a photo (of me in profile!) with Starbuck-A-Roo that showed up in my Facebook "memories" today. It's an outtake from our official portrait session for Companions dogs publicity. I sure miss her. It's been over a year, and it still hurts.

Ugh. Tough Spring

A few weeks ago, on our morning run, I heard a Very Loud Rumbling! What was it? Why, it was the road grader, scraping the hardpack off the roads in preparation for spring! They generally do that a few times every winter, to keep the roads in good shape. I know that after they do that, the roads are slick for a few days, so I wear either studded shoes or cleats over my regular running shoes for traction until the road roughens up again. But I was already out there and figured I'd just finish my run.

Bad idea.

I slipped and fell and twisted my left ankle really badly! So badly that I could not walk home. So I hobbled to the nearest neighbors, S and S. I figured they were working from home since he's a state geologist and she works for the school system. When I got to their house, only Mr. S was there. He invited me in to warm up, but I told him I was not fully vaccinated yet, and I was dressed warmly enough to wait outside. He told me in return that he had only just gotten his second shot the prior day, and was only home because he was feeling poorly due to that, and that Mrs. S had returned to work after getting her second shot! So I was very lucky indeed that he was home. Anyway, we called DL, and he came to pick me up. I'd sprained both ankles before, but this pain was worse, so I called MK, who is a nurse at the ER who has also had orthopedic injuries, to see whom she recommended I see. I called that doctor, and they were able to squeeze me into their schedule within a few hours.

They X-rayed me and found that I had fractured my left fibula. It was pretty gnarly and would need to be set and have a titanium plate put in so it would be aligned to heal. That was a Friday, and they scheduled the surgery for the following Monday.

That weekend, a record snowstorm came along, dumping two feet of snow into our yard. DL and I usually shovel our driveway by hand. OK fine DL usually shovels our driveway by hand. He has taken over the bulk of the shoveling since he's way stronger and faster. Anyway, this time the snow was both heavier and greater in quantity, and I was NOT gonna miss my surgery on Monday, so I put out an APB on our neighborhood Facebook Group. "I know it is Easter weekend, but would any of the neighborhood plowers be willing to plow our driveway as late as possible Sunday night? I broke my leg and really really really need to be able to get to my surgery Monday morning. We will pay extra for evening and Easter work." The response was very heartwarming. First, one of the neighborhood plow operators agreed to squeeze us into his already understandably packed schedule (remember, there was a snowstorm stil going even then). Then, incredibly, 4 other families offered to come by with snowblowers and shovels and clear the driveway with us just in case there was no other solution. I thought that was very kind of them! In the end, DL ended up hand-shoveling our driveway anyway (!!). He said, "There is only one sure thing, and I'm gonna go with the sure thing rather than wait until evening in case the plow guy doesn't show up." And that is how I know that I married the right guy for me. Both of us have been accused of being boring sticks-in-the-mud by party-animal exes, but when the shit hits the fan, we do what needs to be done.

Anyway, my surgery went really smoothly. Apparently I'm not as accident-prone as I had thought I was, because all of the nurses and doctors were impressed that this was only my second surgery (my first was to have a benign lump removed when I was a wee child). One asked, for example, "Where do you usually have IV's put?" I was like, "Eh? 'Usually'?" Another asked, "How do you usually react to anasthesia?" I was like, "There is no 'Usually!'" Don't get me wrong... I'm not exactly graceful, and I do fall down a lot. But I pride myself on being very, very good at falling down. I usually tuck and roll like a gymnast, but man I sure screwed up this time.

After my surgery, there was never as much pain as there was the prior weekend between the accident and the surgery. I never even took the narcotic pain meds. The swelling went down quickly, and MK brought me her gimpy-survival-tools, including a little stool to sit on while bathing, and this awesome scooter:

MK said that crutches suck and she was correct. I do okay with them, but the problem is, they take up both of your hands, so you can't carry anything or do anything! The scooter has enabled me to get around the house comfortably and do little things like cook and make tea. It even has purple tassles and a basket for cheese!

Two weeks later, I got the cast off, and I came home with a removable boot, but I was still told not to put weight into the leg for three more weeks, so I'm still on my scooter.

All in all, I've been very fortunate. DL has been very devotedly taking care of me and taking on my chores in addition to his, without complaint. I even hired the dogs' former kennel managers to exercise them. They not only skijor, but are long-distance trail-runners, so when the snow is gone, they'll run with the girls! I'm healing well with minimal pain. The swelling has gone down, the incision is clean and healing nicely, and I even lucked out with timing. DL and I got both our COVID shots, so doctors and the surgery were lower-risk endeavors, but working from home is still a thing, so mobility is not a problem. Buuuuuuut I'm still very frustrated and sad to be house-bound. Oh well. Here are more photos.

Chicken bone soup! Good for healing!

Four hours later...

Cricket likes aaaAAAaaaAAAAAaaapples!

And Thistle likes aaAAAAAaaaAAAapples!!

Lessons learned:

1) Adapt to conditions! Don't just say, "This is my running loop, and I'm gonna run it." Quit! Or go home and trade shoes! Or go home and change your clothes if you didn't dress adeqately!
2) Always carry your phone! I was not in the habit of carrying my phone since we didn't used to have cell service here, but we do now!
3) Maintain your strength, flexibility, and overall good health, so when you have a setback like this, you can live with it! I've been very grateful that my other leg, and my arms, are very strong. I get around well on crutches, and can maneuver myself around better than I thought I'd be able to, because my arms and other leg are so strong. Over a decade ago, a friend gave me a tip on core strength--brush your teeth while standing on one leg! It was hard at first, but now I can balance on either leg very well using the muscles in my feet. Boy, this has come in handy...
4) Find a good Life Companion, if you can. Don't dawdle with a partner who wouldn't take care of you. It's better to be alone and know what you'll be facing, than to have an unhelpful partner that you'll be deceived into leaning on, until you are startled to learn that you can't. Before I was with DL, I dated a string of self-centered dudes who would blahblahblah about how cool it was that I was so strong and independent--and that was true!--but when things go wrong, it's good to have a reliable partner. If you don't get lucky, it's better to be alone than to be with some jerk who won't be there for you. DL has been very tenderly taking care of me and taking over chores that I cannot presently do, and hasn't complained one peep. I could not imagine going through this with any of my exes!
5) Maintain a strong network of friends and neighbors. You never know when you'll need support, and even if it's offered and you don't accept, knowing that it's there will warm your heart and relieve your mental burdens!