Tuesday, November 25, 2014

One fine day

One morning in the spring of 2013, I woke up from a strange dream. I should tell you at this point that I tend to have *very* mundane dreams. I dream about doing the dishes; I dream about my commute; I dream about running or skiing; and I dream about work. Anyway, in my dream I was sitting in my usual chair at our weekly staff meeting (I told you!). However, after it ended, I got up, walked across the room toward the door that leads back to my office, and noticed my coworker DL sitting in a chair by the door. For some reason, I felt the need to hug him, and so I did. And he wrapped his long arms and enormous hands around me, I snuggled close, and then I woke up.

Weird. I promptly put it out of my mind and began my day. A few days later, at work for real, I was chatting with DL about something work-related. Then suddenly, I thought, "Whoa. Holy crap, it's you. I didn't recognize you at first because I kinda thought you'd be Asian and there you are looking instead more like a viking warrior, so it threw me off. But there you are... Well, I guess we'd better get on with it then."

When I brought him home, the girls said, "Oh. You found him. Cool."

It's been a peaceable, delightfully pleasant time since then. We decided somewhat arbitrarily that Thanksgiving should be our anniversary, and we have a lot to be thankful for. A few months ago, it occurred to me that we had never had an argument. I asked him, "Do you find it odd that we've never had an argument? Like never? Not once? In a year?" He said, "No. I think we paid our dues and deserve this now."

People say that passion fades, in fact leads to unnecessary drama, and that you should not look to fall head over heels and instead should find a partner with qualities that you value in a friend and a business partner.

That always sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

I've also been told by sensible, long-married people that a partnership that is based on ticking all of the "compatibility" boxes but with no spark of chemistry will never last. You need that bit of magic to get you through the tough times.

And that sounded perfectly reasonable to me, too.

I never understood how to reconcile these two things until I had my realization with DL. It turns out that passion can be also perfectly reasonable and peaceful and not come with pain or drama, and that that's how it should be. And I will pass along my own tip to add to these bits of wisdom: Trust your dogs. :)


Rena said...

Paid your dues is RIGHT! Glad you've found each other, he sounds like a keeper.
Not surprised that you have never fought or even rarely fight. Fighting is often because of lack of communication and lack of level-headed analysis. You're good at both, and if DL is too, well then you've got it made.
Happy Anniversary, you two. Thanksgiving marks ours as well!

Arvay said...

@Rena, it sure does! I remember your wedding well! DP was up until late into the prior night making your yard presentable; it was a joint wedding + housewarming of sorts, if I recall. Happy anniversary! What a happy, lively home yours has turned into after such a lovely beginning! :)

mdr said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Happy Anniversary and holiday season to you and DL. Also, many many many more good Thanksgivings and happiness to come.

Happy Holidays to Rena too.

bt said...

@Arvay -- very sweet post. Happy Thanksgiving my friend. Wishing you continued peace, love, and joy for many Thankgivings to come!

Arvay said...

@mdr and @bt: Thank you both for your good wishes! They mean a lot to me.