Nicer Visits Today!

Starbuck-A-Roo had a much nicer time visiting her Friends at the Denali Center today than we did last time. The funny thing about seeing someone suffer from dementia is, it enables you to *really* embrace not taking their behavior personally. The daughter of one of the dementia patients told me that one time her mother got angry with her and shouted, "Go away! I never want to see you again!" She left the room, then turned around and came back, and her mother smiled and said, "Oh hello! It is so nice to see you!"

I'm really grateful I have started this gig. It has taught me so many good life lessons. Dealing with dementia patients' sometimes cruel words requires us to ignore those words and realize that they aren't actually directed at us, at our hearts. So it is with many other people's cruel words, dementia or no! When a person is trapped in a cage of their own cruelty, or their own meanness, or their own pettiness, that is no less a cage than dementia is, right? So surely we can face them both with compassion and without accepting their cruelty upon ourselves?

Earlier this week, I attended a training session on hospice care, and many of the tips are easy to remember if you just pretend you are a dog: Be patient, be kind, don't judge them, don't tell them what to do or contradict decisions they have made for their own care. Don't expect to save them, to solve their problems, or to do miracles for them; just provide them what comfort you can by your presence. Don't tell them trite aphorisms. Speak only when you can be both kind and sincere.



Rrooooooo...