I believe that I am neither a humble nor a braggy person my nature. I tend to be pretty straightforward in my self-evaluations. When I rock, I rock. When I suck, I suck. I throw it all out there, and I'm not socially graceful enough to realize that maybe some I should hold back.
However, I have come to realize that people perceive certain people as judgmental, which, ironically, makes them judgmental of the folks in question. For example, when I was a vegetarian, I often had to make a point of saying, "Oh no! I do not think that you are an animal-murderer!" And I absolutely did not.
I recently told BT:
I don't volunteer that I am training for a marathon. Heck, I don't even volunteer that I run casually with my dogs every morning. I also don't volunteer that I am a PhD candidate, outside of my academic circle. No matter how un-braggy I try to be, people often take it as braggy.
It's true. Outside of this blog (and a small circle of close friends), I seldom mention either of these things, because "running" and "being a PhD" are both tropes that are often taken to be braggy and self-righteous. And, in my humble, blue-collar world, I wish to wear neither of those descriptions.
If you think I am being hypersensitive, I assure you that I am not. I offer as proof that I once had a pseudo-anonymous comment (pseudonym, but unhidden IP, and also, very familiar tone) on this very blog (where I don't, as I've mentioned, censor mention of my crimes) accusing me of viewing my readers as "pathetic losers" because of my physical activity level, and asking me to "tone down" my posts about my physical activities.
I once also sat through a conversation during which several casual friends lightly poked fun at another (who wasn't present) for consistently running/jogging all through winter. "He must have missed the memo that he's crazy!" And they laughed. Do you think I'd chirp up, "Oh, well I run every morning all through winter!" No. No, I would not.
On this blog, I let it all hang out because all of my readers are here by choice, and if I annoy them, they are free to go away. Furthermore, their responses, and my subsequent responses to them, are in written form, with which I feel more comfortable communicating. If someone were to snap at me in person, I would probably react by stammering, "Uhh... Whaaaa...? Buuuhhhh... Dool?"
I know that, of the social "crimes" one can commit, running and being a PhD candidate (and splitting wood, taking care of one's own car, etc, etc) are pretty trivial, and no-one ought to give me grief for them, and that's why I can face them head-on on in this blog, where the medium of communication is my preferred one. In the meatworld, I ought to be just as straightforward and sufficiently unafraid to face others' reactions. But... I just mostly lack the energy.
6 comments:
I am a non-running, never gonna be called "Dr." person who enjoys the bajeezus out of your love for animals and sense of humor, you criminal, you! Or is that your love of animals and sense for humor...?
It is true though, if you rise above mediocre someone will take a swing at you...but they usually miss.
just went back to the tire changing 3 inch heel post... I totally missed your reply to me regarding tire changing, glad to see it, thanks!
@FF: Why, thank you!
If some of your readers don't like you/your blog, but don't have the sense to go and do something they enjoy more, I'd say they're not worth worrying about!
And that is why I like ya - let it all hang out is RIGHT! You are what you are. Just having a blog involves a bit of navel gazing and bragging, perceived or otherwise, is inevitable. So what!? You -ought- to be proud of the stuff you do!
Don't let em get to ya mate! And be proud of what you do and what you've accomplished.
I've got some tips regarding Equinox but they probably aren't appropriate for a comment, can you drop me an email alaskandavedownunder (@) gmail (dot) com? Although I'm sure you are getting plenty of tips from your fellow Fairbanksians.
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