On the transition from the Silicon to the Tanana Valley, from urban to rural life, and from working in industry to being a full-time student to working in academia. If you see your name or photo on this blog and want it removed, please let me know and I will do so!
nopin
Monday, December 8, 2008
A list of things that don't work when it's very cold
batteries plastic snaps CDs mechanical pencils pens ordinary rubber soles on shoes
I humbly add to the list: Anything that has to move. Anything with rubber belts. Cheap Ski Goggles. Tires. Snowmachines with electric starts. Some digital Thermometer probes. Compressors. Those little ball slides on strings that are made of plastic. LCD screens. Non-laser levelers. Cameras sealed with camera grease. Skis and Snowboards. Most electronics, even /with/ a warm battery. Strangely, Shopping Cart wheels.
I was thinking of making this a running feature, KC. Thanks for contributing. :)
Digital thermometer probes--yup, I learned about that one last week. I thought it was the LCD screen, but apparently the whole dang thing doesn't work!
Non-laser levelers... you mean that green stuff freezes? I had never thought of that.
Shopping cart wheels... seriously? I had thought that my struggles were due mainly to the snow and gravel in the parking lot, not something about the cart itself!
Re: Shopping cart wheels: Yeah. At around -35°C, the wheels don't turn. I got out a leatherman to confirm that the wheels this is the case, once (I gave the employees something to discuss that day!). My hypothesis is is the metal and the plastic shrink at a differing rates.
I found that -25 to -30 is the perfect time for winter biking. The trails set up firm, the drunk snowmachiners are all at Pike's complaining about how cold it is, and it's not yet cold enough to really have to bundle up :)
Good list, KC. I think you're right about the shopping cart wheels regarding the rates of contraction. I think also it's cus the carts haven't been inside long enough for the condensation to dry; so when you take it outside at -40 the insides ice up quickly. Just like a bike: don't bring it inside if you won't be there long enough for the internal condensation to dry.
Other things that don't work when it's cold -45 and lower:
Vinyl seats in a car. *crack*
Steering wheel in a car. *shatter*
Regular grease *turns to gum*
Car tires *become square*
Keys when grabbed with a warm hand *OUCH!!!! Didn't need that fingerprint anyway.*
Diesel fuel sans additive *turns to gel and your truck engine stalls on your way back from Hilltop*
Diesel fuel WITH additive when it's really cold -60 and lower *this also turns to gel on your way back from Poker Flats on a Sunday night*
DON'T DRINK VODKA THAT YOU STASHED IN THE SNOWBANK WHILE YOU WENT BIKING AT -30. *I've been told it hurts...*
Or, as KC says, ANYTHING THAT HAS TO MOVE!!!
Disclaimer: none of the above has ever, ever, ever happened to me. Just passing along info I *heard* from folks.
Dare I defile this blog by adding "the penis"? And not for naughty business - it's hard to find if you have to relieve yourself. Women are laughing now, but the men know what I'm talking about.
By the way, Dingo Dave, that's another thing you don't want on your hands when it's that cold.
I had to fix a busted fuel line on my little brother's snowmachine at -20 one time. Lost a lot of skin off my fingers that week....
Oh, wire-frame glasses. They will freeze your flesh wherever it's exposed. I went through school with little frost-bit half-moons on my cheeks where the metal touched.
And speaking of glasses, I have half-wireless frames that have what looks like fishing line holding the bottom part on - they and the plastic lenses often shrink at differing rates, too, causing the lenses to spontaneously fly out of the frames when exiting a warm car or home into the cold.
Ah, glad I'm living in the banana belt these days....
Oh yeah, the damage from skijoring with earrings in (stupid, stupid!) was pretty bad--my earlobes shed a layer of hardened skin after that, but they seem to be okay now.
Peeing outdoors is not any easier as a woman. See, first I step off the trail, so as not to aesthetically damage the trail with a yellow stain. But then I am up to my knees in soft snow. Then when I squat to do my business, my ass just plunges into snow! (I told you I'm not that bright.) Then there is also the issue of pulling down your pants too quickly when your ass and thighs are numb. If you're not careful, you can rake your thumbnail down your thigh, which I have done numerous times. Ouch!
Then, if you have dogs like mine, while you are squatting down, they will look back from thirty yards ahead, realize you have stopped, and come barreling back to you at top speed. Then, while you are unceremoniously squatting in the snow, one will want to lick your face while the other wants to give you a proctological exam. Haha
Ooohh that hurts! You hurt our feelings! We're not smart like you! I'm going to go into the closet and suck my thumb and cry now.
By the way, you aren't as anonymous as you think, and I've noticed your contributions since the beginning of this blog. It pains me to see this side of your character, and I think it pains you, as well, otherwise you wouldn't try to be anonymous. I really do feel sad when I read them, despite my sarcastic response above, because I wish you'd be a happier person. But so be it. And be careful. Ugly words beget an ugly soul.
Enforcer, I went to a Catholic school. And even though I went to a rather liberal one that taught about birth control and evolution (which was amazing for the 80s, and I am even more amazed in hindsight!), they were pretty darned lousy with math and science in general. What I got from them instead is impeccable grammar. And in a world of declining language skills, I'm pretty darned proud of that!
KC and Ish: Some of us blokes stay warm down there :) As a side joke, if your cold weather shrinkage factor makes you unable to find *it*, then it must not of have very big to start with!
Arvay: I would pay to see a movie of the dogs bounding towards someone while said person is squated in knee deep snow with pants down trying to go wee-wee.
Oh, my high school english teacher was our next door neighbor. So, I've, uh, obviously, like, kinda gots good grahmmerr and speellin and punkchuaashun skillz too.
15 comments:
Christy doesn't work very good in the cold either!
I humbly add to the list:
Anything that has to move.
Anything with rubber belts.
Cheap Ski Goggles.
Tires.
Snowmachines with electric starts.
Some digital Thermometer probes.
Compressors.
Those little ball slides on strings that are made of plastic.
LCD screens.
Non-laser levelers.
Cameras sealed with camera grease.
Skis and Snowboards.
Most electronics, even /with/ a warm battery.
Strangely, Shopping Cart wheels.
I was thinking of making this a running feature, KC. Thanks for contributing. :)
Digital thermometer probes--yup, I learned about that one last week. I thought it was the LCD screen, but apparently the whole dang thing doesn't work!
Non-laser levelers... you mean that green stuff freezes? I had never thought of that.
Shopping cart wheels... seriously? I had thought that my struggles were due mainly to the snow and gravel in the parking lot, not something about the cart itself!
Re: Shopping cart wheels: Yeah. At around -35°C, the wheels don't turn. I got out a leatherman to confirm that the wheels this is the case, once (I gave the employees something to discuss that day!). My hypothesis is is the metal and the plastic shrink at a differing rates.
I found that -25 to -30 is the perfect time for winter biking. The trails set up firm, the drunk snowmachiners are all at Pike's complaining about how cold it is, and it's not yet cold enough to really have to bundle up :)
Good list, KC. I think you're right about the shopping cart wheels regarding the rates of contraction. I think also it's cus the carts haven't been inside long enough for the condensation to dry; so when you take it outside at -40 the insides ice up quickly. Just like a bike: don't bring it inside if you won't be there long enough for the internal condensation to dry.
Other things that don't work when it's cold -45 and lower:
Vinyl seats in a car. *crack*
Steering wheel in a car. *shatter*
Regular grease *turns to gum*
Car tires *become square*
Keys when grabbed with a warm hand *OUCH!!!! Didn't need that fingerprint anyway.*
Diesel fuel sans additive *turns to gel and your truck engine stalls on your way back from Hilltop*
Diesel fuel WITH additive when it's really cold -60 and lower *this also turns to gel on your way back from Poker Flats on a Sunday night*
DON'T DRINK VODKA THAT YOU STASHED IN THE SNOWBANK WHILE YOU WENT BIKING AT -30. *I've been told it hurts...*
Or, as KC says, ANYTHING THAT HAS TO MOVE!!!
Disclaimer: none of the above has ever, ever, ever happened to me. Just passing along info I *heard* from folks.
Oh yeah, don't spill the fuel for your campstove on your bare hands. I've been told it kinda hurts.
Dare I defile this blog by adding "the penis"? And not for naughty business - it's hard to find if you have to relieve yourself. Women are laughing now, but the men know what I'm talking about.
By the way, Dingo Dave, that's another thing you don't want on your hands when it's that cold.
I had to fix a busted fuel line on my little brother's snowmachine at -20 one time. Lost a lot of skin off my fingers that week....
Oh, wire-frame glasses. They will freeze your flesh wherever it's exposed. I went through school with little frost-bit half-moons on my cheeks where the metal touched.
And speaking of glasses, I have half-wireless frames that have what looks like fishing line holding the bottom part on - they and the plastic lenses often shrink at differing rates, too, causing the lenses to spontaneously fly out of the frames when exiting a warm car or home into the cold.
Ah, glad I'm living in the banana belt these days....
Oh yeah, the damage from skijoring with earrings in (stupid, stupid!) was pretty bad--my earlobes shed a layer of hardened skin after that, but they seem to be okay now.
Peeing outdoors is not any easier as a woman. See, first I step off the trail, so as not to aesthetically damage the trail with a yellow stain. But then I am up to my knees in soft snow. Then when I squat to do my business, my ass just plunges into snow! (I told you I'm not that bright.) Then there is also the issue of pulling down your pants too quickly when your ass and thighs are numb. If you're not careful, you can rake your thumbnail down your thigh, which I have done numerous times. Ouch!
Then, if you have dogs like mine, while you are squatting down, they will look back from thirty yards ahead, realize you have stopped, and come barreling back to you at top speed. Then, while you are unceremoniously squatting in the snow, one will want to lick your face while the other wants to give you a proctological exam. Haha
All things that do not even cross my mind here in California. Especially the stuff about peeing. =)
Stay warm, kids!
When it's getting less than -35°C, everyone squats. Everyone who doesn't want to injure sensitive parts, anyhow. :p
Add to the list:
people who are smart enought to not live somewhere that's miserably cold
Ooohh that hurts! You hurt our feelings! We're not smart like you! I'm going to go into the closet and suck my thumb and cry now.
By the way, you aren't as anonymous as you think, and I've noticed your contributions since the beginning of this blog. It pains me to see this side of your character, and I think it pains you, as well, otherwise you wouldn't try to be anonymous. I really do feel sad when I read them, despite my sarcastic response above, because I wish you'd be a happier person. But so be it. And be careful. Ugly words beget an ugly soul.
Also, please don't split infinitives on my blog.
LOL Arvay!! Split infinitives! AAAAHAHAHAH! You crack me UP! No, really...you do! =)
Enforcer, I went to a Catholic school. And even though I went to a rather liberal one that taught about birth control and evolution (which was amazing for the 80s, and I am even more amazed in hindsight!), they were pretty darned lousy with math and science in general. What I got from them instead is impeccable grammar. And in a world of declining language skills, I'm pretty darned proud of that!
KC and Ish: Some of us blokes stay warm down there :) As a side joke, if your cold weather shrinkage factor makes you unable to find *it*, then it must not of have very big to start with!
Arvay: I would pay to see a movie of the dogs bounding towards someone while said person is squated in knee deep snow with pants down trying to go wee-wee.
Oh, my high school english teacher was our next door neighbor. So, I've, uh, obviously, like, kinda gots good grahmmerr and speellin and punkchuaashun skillz too.
Post a Comment