Annual Stock-Taking; Warning: Sensitive Content

As I've mentioned before, every year around my birthday, I do a life-trajectory check by thinking of two Arvays--the one of eight years prior, and the one of eight years into the future. Am I doing right by them? Would they be pleased with what I am doing with myself?

This year, I feel quite confident that Future Arvay is pleased with me. Whatever the outcome of my current activities, they say that happiness is priceless, and I am having a damned fine time of things. Future Arvay will have many wonderful memories of my current life.

This year, Past Arvay pulls more at my heartstrings. She's having the most difficult year of her life, as she extricates herself from an abusive marriage. I have several things to say to her. Yes, I have several things to say to you, little 26-year-old Arvay, so listen up! Do you hear me? I see you curled up crying under the bathroom sink. Get up. Pick up your head, straighten your shoulders, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and hear what your future self has to say!

1) This, too, shall pass. I know, I know! Everyone says that so much that it sounds like a cliche. But it is a true one, so say it again and again until it doesn't ring hollow. This, too, shall pass, and you will come out of it with your head high.

2) That piece of trash is not worth any of your thoughts at all. Life, the Universe, and their mysterious ways, will take care of him. That is not your job. Move along, move along, nothing to see there. Nothing to waste your time or thoughts on.

3) Your nightmares. They will end. You will triumph in them, too. You will really kick ass. And this will be a reflection of the goings-on in your real, conscious life. Seemingly miraculously, a day will also come when you are no longer afraid of the dark. The day will come when the only fears you have are purely rational. Speaking of which...

4) You wouldn't believe all that you have coming up! For starters, you will finish your Master's Degree. So keep setting that alarm clock for 6 a.m. to make those crack-of-dawn classes! Don't let that piece of trash defer you from your path.

5) You are much stronger than you realize. Hello, you've just run three marathons! Guess what else you can do! You can split enough wood to last a Fairbanks winter, in a week! ('Fairbanks winter', you ask? We'll talk about that later...) You can also do anything you set your mind to, within reason. That's part of the beauty of having trained as a mechanical engineer. We are told that anything you can conceive of, you can build. So... did the garbage disposal break, and you have no idea how to replace it? Is the car making some scary noise, and you have no idea what it is? Would you like to get your PhD someday, but the individual steps are too overwhelming? Guess what? It can be done! It can all be done! Look up directions, read the manual, read the University web site, make yourself a to-do list, check them off one by one, and know that it can be done. Other people do it; why can't you?

Here's the thing, child: You aren't going to let your confidence and inner strength and thus your entire fate be shaken by a worthless sack of crap who's never mentally grown past childhood. You are so far above him, that he's just a speck, waaaaay down below, as you glance down from the mountain you are climbing. He's down there as you accidentally loosen rocks that tumble down on him. Whoops. Did you do that? Psh. Oh darn. You can do whatever you need to survive and thrive. And you will.

6) Let's talk love. Love will come and love will go. Love is always good, so don't be afraid. You will come to realize the truth of another cliche--it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. So love freely, but--and this is also important--walk away when it's over. Only some love lasts forever. Have I found "that special someone" yet for you, child? That I cannot say. But you already have lasting love from corners that won't surprise you--your mother, your sister, BT, The Enforcer, KH, MP, RT, just to name a few... I'm not gonna lie--you have other tough times ahead. But you will get by with their help.

7) There are several wonders in store for you. Most mysterious and surprising will be... that you are an aunt! Now, just to keep you up off that bathroom floor and looking ahead instead of at your feet, I will reserve the gender, date, and name as surprises. But you'll be meeting a very interesting little person some day!

8) Finally, dear child, there is one thing I must fault you for. I have one regret that I will likely think about for the rest of our lives. You really should call the police or the women's shelter to put a record on that sack of crap. Although what he did would be really difficult to prosecute, at least a complaint would be on his record, and you might help protect someone else. If you try to do anything about it years into the future, your credibility will be called into question, as between a husband a wife, any report becomes a he-said-she-said situation. But at your present time, you really should do something about this. Knowing that he might do the same thing to someone else, possibly someone more vulnerable than you, when you might have given a warning, is something you'll have to live with forever.

9) I see you are standing up now. Wash your face, dry your tears, buck up, and move on! The best is yet to come!

Note to my blog readers: That chapter in my life is closed. The door is shut, 2x4s are nailed over it. If you have any ideas about what I should have done differently in the past, and want to tell me about it today, your comment will be deleted without consideration.